A Short List of Great Musicians who are Terrible Singers

Greetings beautiful people

As many of you know I am an admirer of a wide range of music, as well as art.  Music and art are those universal forces that cross the lines of all social doctrine.  I’m sure even members of the KKK sneak and listen to M.J. and Prince when they aren’t busy burning crosses and avoiding dental work.  I love music and art so much, because it’s where I find diversity in its purest form.  In order to remain creative, I seek that which I haven’t heard or seen.  Also this diversity is a great counter to the level of criticism I have for most art forms.  I love when something is so out of the box, I have trouble critiquing it.

With that said…there are some disturbingly creative and brilliant musicians who suck at singing.  By singing, I mean the little things like staying on key, doing clean runs, or mastering tone.  I mean some of my favorite artists really know to butcher my ear drums and I thought I’d give them props.  So here is a short list of great musicians who suck at singing, but we love them anyway.  I know there are others who should make this list, but in no particular order, here are some of top picks.

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ANDRE 3000

One of the most creative individuals in music and definitely in the top 10 MC’s of all time.  We all loved “Hey Ya”  BUT…come one now!  It’s his style, wit, and facility as a rapper we love, not his signing.  He reminded me of this when he assisted Beyonce’ with butchering Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Back”.  Even though it’s always funky, sometimes his voice reminds me of all the joys of food poisoning and prostate check ups.

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BOB DYLAN

Bob is a living legend and one of the most prolific singer songwriters in the history of modern music.  His songs have been covered by countless artists, and serve as some insight into a brilliant mind & soul.  To contrast the utter opulence of his mind, his voice is the voice of death.  By death, I mean I’d cast Bob Dylan to play Death in a musical called “Death”.  His elderly voice is a combination of gravel, broken glass, and duct tape on a cars exhaust pipe.  In his youth, his voice was high and made me think I was listening to down syndrome soprano.  Praise God for covers.

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Rihanna 

Who gives a  shit if she can’t sing….LOOK AT HER!  Fucking love this woman.  Every time I hear the nasally,  cut jugular,  blood dripping, timbre of her voice, I use my Generation X mutant ability to deny the harsh reality of the situation.  I think I’m listening to angels.  I think I’m listening to the sirens at sea, right before I crash into the rocks and drown.  But as my lungs fill with water and I meet my end, I smile because I know it’s Rihanna who did this to me.  She looks good enough to be a religion!

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Billy Corgon

The Smashing Pumpkins front man is one of my personal favorites.  He’s written songs that would be found on the soundtrack of my life, especially in my teen years.  “Bullets with Butterfly Wings” was an anthem of college years and kind of still is in a way, yet when it comes to his singing?  Oh man!  I wondered was he the voice of the Crypt Keeper.  I thought maybe he was the son of the wicked witch.  No, no, no!  Corgan is a rocker not a singer!  In this case I can appreciate the rock over the singing.

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Alicia Keys

If Alicia Keys could sing as well as she looked, then Whitney Houston’s voice would have faded into the past.  Keys writes some of the most melodic music, and honestly should teach songwriting classes to some of these up and coming wanna be singer/song writers.  Yet for all her talent and looks, her voice is abysmal.  “Girl on Fire” was apparently her attempt to show us what someone who had indeed been set on fire would sound like while trying to sing a song.  The screaming, sloppy runs, and husky tone are the perfect bad singing cocktail.

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TOM WAITS

Oh man, much like Bob Dylan, Tom is the man when it comes to lyrics!  His songs are well crafted and worthy to be part of the Great American Song Book, but his voice is a weapon of mass destruction.  Actually he sounds more like a dying transformer.  Think Optimus Prime after the battle with Megatron from the original “Transformers the Movie” trying to sing.  Yeah….that’s time.

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PHARRELL

He’s got the songs, the look, the style, and the smarts.  Does he have the voice?…No.

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T-PAIN

The king of Autotune!  How can you hate on someone who wrote a song titled, “I’m in Love with a Stripper?”  I mean, talk about true love!  They just don’t make songs like that anymore….wait, they totally do!  Despite his inability to sing with cybernetic augmentation, I find it very innovative that he took a tool used to correct minor pitch problems and used it to craft whole songs many collaborations.

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MICK JAGGER

The classic rock god himself.  With songs like Satisfaction, Sympathy for the Devil, and Paint it Black, Jagger is a proven musical powerhouse!  He’s like a million years old, but still tears the house down, but honestly…..the man has ALWAYS been a terrible singer!  He sings with confidence of the heavens, but with a voice that was crafted in the fires of hell.  I love the Rolling Stones, but only in small quantities.  Otherwise, I might walk into traffic, just to hear the sound of scretching tires as opposed to his voice.

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3 thoughts on “A Short List of Great Musicians who are Terrible Singers

  1. FKS says:

    Why does Alicia Keys look like Nicole Ari Parker from Soul Food? And I agree with all of this except this mutant power that makes Rihanna sound good. Dark Phoenix couldn’t manage that.

  2. I fucking live this list and you!

  3. I fucking love this list and you!

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