Greetings beautiful people
Social networking sites have become an entertaining worldwide pass time for the tragically hip and techno savvy a like. The only people I typically see who exclude themselves from the robotic maturation pod of the matrix of likes/dislikes and status updates, are people who do their best to oppose technological advancements with a zealot like conviction of a Luddite. These people are old, young, male, female, etc but will most certainly have a romanticized idea of society involving “the good ol days”. Epic fail!
This blog is not about the latter type of person, but rather those who I wish were the latter type of person. It concerns the idiotic status updates and the wrist slitting uninteresting tweets that a host of individuals choose to pollute the screen of my MacBook with.
It’s a great thing that a large percentage of the population is reading and writing, even if it’s George Orwell’s 1984 “Newspeak”, but it’s happening. I’m starting to wish a greater number of people didn’t have access to computers and couldn’t read or write. Then maybe I would be spared the mundane postings of the anti-witty.
If you could think of navigating a social networking site as an art form, then I am afraid that a great deal of people aren’t Picasso’s and never will be. Examples of bad post are as follows
The what you are doing type of post:
“I’m eating pancakes.”
“I just finished shopping at Wal-Mart.”
“House all cleaned up, now time to read the phone book.”
The above are all examples of that type of boring situation post that I rebuke every time I log into a site. I would say that no one cares about a person eating tons of carbs, contributing to Walmart’s increasing profit margins, or finally cleaning their home after a year, but the tons of comments and likes attached to the post, would most assuredly disprove my point and leads me to the conclusion that these uninteresting people travel in packs via the internet. If E = MC2 then the uninteresting find interest in the uninteresting.
The following are example of interesting post that hopefully will assist boring people with avoiding my new digital inquisition
“I just beheaded a dragon on the corner of Woodward and Warren, now I’m off to fight sobriety and Woodbridge Pub.”
“Just woke up and still have my penis attached. Score another victory for me!”
“Just finished cleaning my house….of evil spirits and demons. Thank you “DemonAway” on sale at Wal-Mart!”
The how you are feeling emotionally or physically kind of post:
“Not feeling well, I think it was that alien that burst out of my chest earlier”
“I am a scorned woman with scissors, looking for a penis to cut off!”
“Dear Detroit Poetry Community…F*CK YOU!”
I am one of the biggest advocates for freedom of expression and honesty in what one chooses to share with the public. Yet sometimes it’s best to tell a doctor about your physical ailments rather than those on your friend list. The out pour of sympathy for your medical condition will never compare to antibiotics and good ol vicodin.
Also let’s face it. Some people are way too emotionally compromised to post anything. There is a fine line between being perceived as demonstrative and being perceived as crazy. If you have no interest in the publics opinion concerning your mental state, then “crazy” would most likely suite you, along with psychotropic medication.
Examples of acceptable post concerning feelings both emotional and physical are as follows:
“I feel like busting loose!”
“I am a scorned woman, I will put down the scissors, listen to Lauryn Hill: Unplugged, and realize that someone has it worst off than me.”
“Dear Bad Facebook Post Community…F*CK YOU!”
The too much personal information type of post:
“Today my car window was broken out by my girlfriend, who found out I was cheating on her with Jasmine Sullivan.”
“You look hot as hell in that pic. Here is my number 555-1234, call me so that we can fornicate after church on Sunday.”
Too much personal information is disseminated via the internet. An exercise in restraint would do some people good. Stop putting all your business in your post, unless you are generating revenue. I’m not saying that people should keep secrets although, I believe they should, but the intimate details of your life should remain just that… Intimate details.
In concluding part 1 of this 2 piece blog, I would like to say that if anyone reading this is guilty of the transgressions mentioned above, then please heed my advice. Not only will it help you avoid further bastardization of the social network news board, but it’s good for humanity as a whole. Stop posting terribly uninteresting things, and save an African baby. You may be having difficulties finding a correlation between this blog and African babies, but it you think long and hard about it, it’ll come to you.
Till next time