NPM Poem #5 “A Pretty Gay Poem”

(Dedicated to someone who asked a question about me when I left a table full a friends and to this day hasn’t had the balls to ask me that question to my face)

At the Majestic cafe (back when it was cool)

Right before I open the restroom door

Time rewinds

I walk backwards to my seat

Sit down at a table of artist, poets, and musicians

Pick up my drink

(time now moves forward)

And you,…….who I’ve only known for a month ask me I’m I gay?

I respond

Oh girl!

I’m super gay!

Under this shirt lays a violet spandex super hero costume with a big pink “G” inside a Perry winkle triangle

Yes girl,…….the “G” stands for gay!

I’m so gay if Sam Club had a bulk deal on dicks I would buy enough to last me all winter!

I don’t walk on water……I walk the runway! That way I’m always fabulous!

I’m at church every Sunday

Because there are  more gay men there than in the gay club

I can love me some Jesus and…oh my lord! The men! Thank you Jesus!

I’m changing my stage name to Paris!

Cause Paris is called gay Pari

And if it’s gay, then I must be it!

On an alter draped with Tope chiffon and strawberry scented candles

I worship Madonna, Whitney, Mariah, Liza, Janet, and the high priestess herself Barbra Streisand!

Call her Barb if you truly gay.

I’m putting this beer away and ordering an apple martini

Shaken cause I like to shake it

Pinky out let me get my sip on

(takes a sip) Whoo girl! That taste so good I gotta clutch my pearls!

Let me tell you something bitch!

I see you over there judging me

But a second ago you was loving me

And if these people wasn’t here

You would be trying to get love from me

I don’t snap or switch

Because that’s what fire crackers do…. they’re not reliable

I’m a bomb bitch, and I’m consistent

I got this GQ with just a touch of Vogue

So that the real trade can know

I’m a member of the team

Baby, my light ungulates in the darkness for your ignorance

Yes girl, that’s what you are. Ignorant

My name starts with a “T”

I know myself

Meaning I know the Tee

When I walk in the room, that shit is ovah!

Let me count you in 5,6,7,8,!

Work bitch!

Awww you must be unemployed

He is speechless

Everybody at the table, is speechless

And I say, I’m just kidding

But just so you know….some questions are fucking inappropriate!



11 thoughts on “NPM Poem #5 “A Pretty Gay Poem”

  1. Daniel Syphax says:

    BRAVO!!!! You let em’ have it!!!!

  2. Legacy Leonard says:

    I am grinning from ear to ear. You better work Ty! You’re so fricking awesome!

  3. Doice John says:

    lol this cracked me up. This satire upon *Censored* culture is phenomenal. It definitely made me smile as well . when is your next performance?

  4. Adrienne says:

    Violet spandex superhero costume? You’re a nut. You are the bomb, though. 🙂


  6. Cassie says:

    Nice! Keep em coming.

  7. gordana says:

    this is amazing.

  8. Gerald says:

    So (in my best Ricky Rice impression)… what’s the answer?

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