My least favorite soul artist in no particular order

 Greetings beautiful people

On my other blog, I posted a list of my favorite soul artist and a few people chimed in.  Now I will post my least favorite.  Some of these people aren’t singers, but they suck so bad, they make the list because of the sheer magnitude of their absurdity.  Let me know who yours is.

 

Mariah Carey

 I won’t go as far as to say that I hate Mariah Carey, but hate is the closest word I can think of.  Now I will say all her work up to and including the “Butterfly” album was cool.  She was a vocal power house who had a great pop and soul sensibility.  Yet then came the “Glitter” period and a breakdown.  Since then she’s been a wreck of an artist.  “The Emancipation of MIMI” was somewhat of a spike in her declining record of at least bearable music, but now she’s back to being wack fulltime with a part time job of public drunkenness.  The older she get’s, the shorter her skirts get and while I like a pin up girl boob job just as much as the next man, she couldn’t even get good breast implants.  So rather than listen to this ex singer turned spectacle, I’ll try to shake her off like a Calgon commercial, even though she’s more like a tick sucking the blood from my body and giving me auditory lime disease.

 

Ashanti

 My friends call her “Ashity” pronounced (ah-shit- tea).  She came on the scene as a hooker* in the early part of this decade adding some softness to Ja Rule’s rough persona on track.  Then the imaginable happened…she was given a record deal and the solo projects followed.  Oh baby(insert her voice when reading)!  Once again the public was force feed its yearly dose of empty calories and we ended up belly’s full with horrible tone, bad lyrics, and rusty pipes that needed to be replaced.  I admit, I like “Only you”!  It was kind of different for radio at the time, but everything else…man!  Snooze fest.

*Hooker- A pretty girl/guy vocalist used almost exclusively to sing the chorus in rap   songs.

 

Mint Condition

The favorite band to musicians and lounge singers alike.  While I know these cats can play and lead singer, Stokley Williams, can sing, I hate their sound.  No matter what, I can’t get past that 80’s synthesizer and wack drums.  Stokley sounds like diet Babyface to me, and I’ve never like diet anything.  I rather work out to burn those calories.  I admit, I don’t know a lot of their music because when I hear it, I return to teenage dreams of suicide and cutting to feel something.  I do like the song “Breaking my Heart: Pretty Brown Eyes”.  There, that was a compliment sandwich.  Eat it!

 

Sisqo

 I love “Thong Song”!  It’s the most absurd song ever to hit the radio during my lifetime.  This golden hair little dude could really sing.  I mean when he was with Dru Hill, I can say that I liked every song they released.  Yet the solo thing, just didn’t work for him.  Over the top videos, dumb ass songs, and random Penthouse photographs.  In the end, I’m glad he fell off, because if people continued to like him, with his stupidity he would’ve been more detriment to music than Souljah Boy “Tell Em”.

 

Souljah Boy “Tell Em

 Superman that Hoe!  Really?  A song using Southern teenage slang for ejaculating on a woman’s back and then sticking a sheet to it, so when she wakes up in the morning she looks like a super hero.  Wait, that’s kind of funny, not ha ha, but HA HA!  Lol.  Only to be followed by “YAHH”!  And let’s not forget “Booty Meat”.  People, I’m not joking these are actual song titles. He’s young, dumb, and full of sh*t.  Yet as long as ya attach a corny dance to it, even college basket couches will dig it.

 

Kirk Franklin

 Kirk Franklin almost makes me want to become a Buddhist.  Since gospel is already my least favorite form of music, I don’t need the likes of this guy making it worst.  So he’s been credited with getting the youth into gospel by combining contemporary secular elements into his sound.  The thing is, he combines the bad contemporary secular elements into his sound, which is already bad.  “Stomp”!  I stomped out the house into traffic.  When he fell through the stage and was seriously injured, I thought it was bad, but was looking forward to respite from his barrage of holly crap!  He’s a Christian and God takes care of his own, and soon he was back in between his porn addiction to making terrible music to bring about an 8th plague.

 

The Dream

 LOL! O.k. The thing is that this guy can write the hell out of song.  He wrote “Single Ladies” “Bed” “Just Fine” and “Umbrella”.  I was in the barber shop and BET was on the television, with The Dream live in concert.  Awful! Stick to writing hit songs and stop attempting to sing because it’s bad.  Real bad.

 

T-Pain

 Auto-tune on!  I like T-Pain.  Sure,  he should be a shame for ever trying to sing anything.  Sure he’s ugly and has Predator dreads.  Sure he looks like a twisted clown at times.  Yet, he can make me dance and even though I want to completely hate him, I can’t.  T-Pain uses technology to make himself, better, stronger, faster…lol.  Too bad it couldn’t give him more depth as an artist.  

 

The new and drug abused Whitney Houston

 Houston we have a problem!  With a grand comeback worthy of a VH1 behind the music special, Ms. Houston has returned.  Her new album “I look to you” opened at number 1 on the pop and R & B charts and she showed every sign that she was here to conquer.  Oh, how we  were wrong!  The second she began to open her mouth to sing, the years of drugs, alcohol, and incorrect singing became apparent.  Performance after performance she disappointed, but manages to get her sympathy applaud from the delusional fans who believe her poorly held notes, when she can hit them, and scratchy voice is good singing.  Sorry people.  Most artists can’t cover a Whitney Houston song, and now it seems Whitney Houston can’t cover a Whitney Houston song.  Just YouTube any recent performance and watch her in her drug induced stupor rant round the stage, arms flailing struggling to stay on key.  She has millions of dollars.  Retirement might not be such a bad thing.  She shouldn’t be looking to anyone, but a rehab therapist and a vocal coach.

Until next time people

Yo brotha

Ty

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7 thoughts on “My least favorite soul artist in no particular order

  1. sean says:

    should there b concern 4 u? 4:
    * calling Ms. Mariah Carey “back to being wack… couldn’t even get good breast implants… ex singer turned spectacle”- WHAT?!
    * crediting Kirk Franklin wit the “Swine Flue” epidemic?
    * u actually wrote that Ms. Houston is n a career “stupor rant round the stage, arms flailing struggling to stay on key”!

    • Mr. Sawyer says:

      Sean there is no concern for me. Just giving my opinion. I think when HBO decides to do the “Wack-List” produced by Timothy Greenfield-Sanders some of these people might actually make it..lol.

  2. I’m dead!! This is absolutely CLASSIC!!!!

  3. D says:

    How could you not like Mint Condition? They are one of the greatest bands ever! Stokley is one of the greatest drummers/singers out there. Never compare Stokley to Babyface, because Stokley is a way better singer than Babyface.

    • Mr. Sawyer says:

      Mint Condition is f*cking wack! They are cheesy and make me wanna vomit. Now Stokley a way better singer than Babyface…lol and another HA! One of the greatest bands ever? Are you kidding? They are nothing. Sure they can play, but they are no Roots, Led Zepplin, Queen, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Earth, Wind, and Fire, they not even Handson!

  4. Natasha Thomas-Jackson says:

    I agree with all of these….and would like to add another…Trey Songz.

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